I saw this article on my Facebook feed, about a father who sexually abused his daughter several times, but will be spared jail time “for the sake of the family”. I understand the denial and reaction from the family (it sucks, but it’s all too common). What kills me is the court’s validation of that denial (though that doesn’t exactly surprise me either)… I didn’t think I’d have such a strong reaction to it, but it’s hit a nerve.
I’m angry and crying and so sad…
Some of what the family said to gain leniency for the father are things I’ve heard within my own family growing up. While the circumstances were not the same, the denial of abuse among certain family members took the same path…
My heart is breaking for the little girl in that article. I want to run over and protect her myself, since no one else in her life seems to want to do it… regardless of any “evidence” that the dad will not assault anyone else, the kid deserves to feel safe and supported. She shouldn’t be forced to continue to live with her abuser, or to see him ever again. It’s not fair to her (even if she feels she needs to protect him)… her life will never be the same because of him. She will deal with this the rest of her life. Yeah, she may get to a point where she’s more healed and balanced, but she will be forever impacted by not only the sexual abuse, but her family’s rally around dad… who is there rallying for her? She must feel so invalidated and worthless…
What are they teaching their kids with this, that you can break someone, but as long as you’re sorry it’s going to be ok? Bullshit.
It’s not fair… she deserves so much better.
Trauma Makes you Live in a Backwards World
Meanwhile, used to terror or violence, no big challenge ever seems big enough. You miss the warning signs of the big problems because you are focused on avoiding the small ones. Cause and effect in backwards world get disconnected from reality. Even when there is proof around you, you don’t see it, you don’t believe it.
This is a great article. It explains so much about how trauma can cause a person to miss the big stuff because they are so focused on avoiding all the little things that might mean problems.
I saw this on fb…
“I loved you once…”
it can have so many endings:
…but then I remembered.
…and you betrayed me.
…then you used me.
…and I saw your true colors.
…you broke my heart.
…I still love you (and I don’t know why)…