This pretty much encompasses today:
I might redo the face tomorrow (have another idea for it), though I might not. I suppose I should keep the drawings as they are, and watch the progression/change as I get practice under my belt.
This one is definitely reflective of the mood of the day: distance, disconnect, attempts at grounding…
Therapy today was emotionally intense. I dissociated almost immediately when talking about the past…
I’m finding I need to assert that it’s all fake before I can stomach talking about it.
Dr C mentioned the dissociation a few times, but it was safer that way. She suggested I hang out after session and work on grounding. I agreed to sit in the car and listen to music for a while. I know I wasn’t totally back at the point I left, but I was getting antsy sitting there.
Once I got home, I could barely keep my eyes open. I pictured curling up with L in bed and feeling safe. I turned on Netflix and promptly fell asleep.
When I awoke, everything inside was calm and relaxed. I was grounded and present. It’s incredible how exhausting therapy and dissociation can be…
I don’t recall all the specifics of what we talked about in session, but I know we touched on the domestic violence, my previous eating disorders, and a bit about the abuse…
I so want to be through all this. I’m tired of struggling with the memories and after-effects.
Been trying to do art today, but just not happy with any of it. Oh well.
Not sure how to ground from these sensations. They are getting stronger, but I’m not sure what’s the trigger. Most of the day (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, and…) was spent fighting tears. Not sure of their trigger either. I dunno. Maybe it’s just the depression coupled with the flashbacks that’s kicking my butt again.
There’s some physical pain too, but I’m attributing it to the back issues I’ve been having the last several months. It feels like there’s a burning pain in my right lower abdomen. Last time, the doctor said it was muscle pain due to my back issues. They couldn’t find anything else, so I will say it’s still the back issues. I have yet to make use of that physical therapy referral she gave me last month. I should check with insurance to see how much pt would cost. Maybe it would help the back and side pain…
I’m really tired all the time. Also a fun dose effect of depression. Will this ever go away for more than a handful of weeks? It’s so exhausting…
I have to pick up L from work. Maybe after she relaxes some, we can do some art. I need motivation/inspiration ❤
Healing Quotes Littles 567 – http://wp.me/ptHcr-7bC
What I wish people knew, too – http://wp.me/p4w6Vc-hk
This came across my feed and I wanted to share/save it. I really like this page, they have a lot of good info and resources. It’s mostly geared towards professionals, but there’s other resources there also.
Trauma-Informed Creative Arts Therapy Articles
One of the first articles listed is about art journaling as self-help.