Vertigo sucks.

…but i think I’ve mentioned that before. 

Everything is slowly spinning backwards and to the right. 

I’ve tried one “fix” for it (half-somersault by Dr Carol Foster), and it helped a bit for a few minutes, but now the merry-go-round has picked up again. I need to try the Epley Maneuver, just have to find the video so i remember how to do it… this one is a bit dry, but concise enough for my attention span. 

There’s several other videos on YouTube, as well as some precautionary stuff (like make sure it’s benign positional orthostatic vertigo (bpov) before writing it off and trying a home fix.  I’m pretty sure mine is,  as I’ve had multiple scans done when it first occurred, and nothing abnormal was found. Just make sure to check with a doctor if this is the first time you’ve experienced it, or if you’ve never had further testing done to rule out other, nastier stuff. Also check with your doc if it’s happening more frequently or severely than it has previously.

I really hope this resolves before the week’s activities need to happen. L caught whatever it was I had this past week, so if I’m too dizzy to drive, nothing will get done, including doctor’s appointments (and laundry, which has taken a huge hit since L stated her treatment)…

Talking about level of dissociation (for the first time… again…?)

My level of dissociation came up again in therapy. She mentioned DID. Apparently she’s mentioned it before, but I just filed it away. Deep away.

I cringed at her labeling it DID, so she called them “ego states”.

I dunno. I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around it all week…

I feel like I need to reach out to everyone I’ve ever worked with to find some corroboration… did anyone else notice the intensity of the dissociation? Did I mention anything about the abuse? Was there any inkling of anything other than major depression and anxiety? Did any of the 18+ therapists I worked with over the years try to clue me in and I just forget?

There were times I remember being told there was more behind my symptoms than just the domestic violence, but no one could tell me what. There were large chunks of time I don’t remember, but I also don’t have any info on what went on during those times…

I have a few records of what happened while I was “out” and hospitalized, but they aren’t very detailed…

I dunno.

I feel like I need someone else to say “yes, this is what we’ve seen all along”; not because I don’t trust Dr C’s assessment, but because I don’t trust what I’ve presented to her… it feels like I’m exaggerating everything, and the words I use give the wrong impression. It feels like I’ve fabricated it all for some reason I don’t really understand.

I dunno…