I swear I have done nothing but ride them since Friday… there’s no hope, then there’s hope, then there’s no hope, then there’s hope… I hope the hope lasts. Not quite sure how to make it all work, but hoping. As long as I’m still hoping (even if just in waves), then it’s not so bad. The hopelessness comes, but so does the hope, so I’ll take the cycles. I don’t want to find out that there’s really no hope. I don’t want to fall head-long into depression over all this.
One thing that got me today was when I was speaking to someone at the affordable care act contact number… I was trying to figure out insurance for L and I, and whether or not I could still sign up/should sign up/need to sign up. The lady was telling me the guidelines for assistance with the premiums and such when she says that there’s a minimum income level needed to be able to receive the assistance. If we can’t meet that level, but still don’t qualify for Medicaid through the state, we have to pay FULL PRICE for an insurance plan (the cheapest I found was $220/person without the tax credit). So how is this supposed to help?? If you are too poor to meet the income requirements for the assistance, but make too much to get Medicaid according to the state (which is anything between $700-$990/month, aka, a whole boat-load of people struggling with jobs at minimum wage), you’re just screwed now because you either pay $200/month in insurance, or you pay the fines the government levy on you for not having coverage (about the equivalent of the cheapest monthly plan)… screwed… Thanks. Also, why is it that the plans all have 1) an annual deductible greater than my annual take-home pay, 2) insanely high co-pays, and 3) the “better” the plan, the more you pay for premiums, deductibles & copays?!… Once again I ask, how the he** is this helpful to anyone other than the insurance companies?? You could sign a waiver saying you can’t afford it all, but there are strict guidelines for eligibility to be able to sign said waiver. (que hopelessness)
On a positive note (I will include 3, because 3 is a good number), we maybe, maybe have a glimmer of hope for remaining in the house. It’s kinda a long shot, but it may happen. We also called about help with some repairs that need to happen. We are just waiting for a call-back from the agency (I hope they are not like most of the other agencies in this state that conveniently lose your message). I will give them through the week, then call again in the early part of next week (assuming I have the energy and motivation). Also, I was introduced to a new “top 10” musician tonight: Angel Haze. I don’t listen to too much hip-hop or rap, but I do enjoy it, and this woman has some really, really powerful songs. I really like all of the songs I’ve listened to tonight, especially her remake of Same Love, Angels & Airwaves, and her song Battle Cry (official video to this one can be really triggering for religious themes, self-injury, csa/child trafficking, etc so watch with caution if any of this is triggering to you). I have her on in the background as I’m typing this. Battle Cry is great, thought I could only watch the video once. Without the video, it’s actually really inspiring and motivational… well, even with the video, but if I watched it too often, I could see myself getting lost in the triggers… anyway, yeah, I really like her and I’m really happy her music was pointed out to me.
random: I’ve been wanting to ask De for my picture back. I think I want to fiddle with the background because it’s too busy with the effect I used… the characters get lost in the busy-ness. I wonder if she will still have it in her office so maybe I can mess with it. I used fixative, but I’m hoping I can somehow soften the bg… I may have to think about how that would work. Anyone know how to make a “permanent” fixative workable again?