I guess whatever was stirred up last week, and later in session, is picking at other things outside of my awareness. I’ve been really cranky and short lately.
I had mentioned to Dr C that I could fill days talking about the stuff that comes up when we start to tackle the past. There’s no real feasible way to do that in person though (even in intensive settings, both the clinician and the client need time away from the heaviness). She suggested writing… I’m not a huge fan of physical books, as they are easy for anyone to pick up and read. We tossed around some ideas, and eventually settled on a mutually accessible file.
I voiced some reservations around it, mostly stemming from my experiences with both D and De around written communication. She was able to both hear my concerns, and address them in a way that made trying this again something I’m willing to do.
Anyway, I’ve not written much of anything yet, but the concept is ruffeling my internal feathers. Between my fears of it going sideways again, and worries about what might come up, I’m on edge. There’s still a lot of resistance to the concept, but there’s also a hope of moving forward too.
I dunno. We’ll see where it takes us.
In the mean time, I’m working on balancing myself and being aware of my reactions…
