I’m not tired. I thought I would be… I started a new-ish job today. The anxiety from that alone should have exhausted me… sadly, it did quite the opposite. I’m not tired at all.
Flashbacks stated up again this weekend. They had been sporadic and mild in the last several weeks, but they intensified Sunday. They’ve been pretty much omnipresent since then. They are not very intense most of the time, but they are back to being there 99% of the time.
Talked about it with Dr C, and we think it might be linked to feeling stupid and ashamed (as a result of a dumb interaction with strangers earlier in the weekend). Its probably all combining with other stressors to make me more vulnerable to them again.
Speaking of stressors and vulnerability, my need to clean things properly will probably be tested a lot with this new position. It took me a lot of restraint to not go along behind the woman showing me the clean-up procedures and clean the room properly. I only seem to have 2 modes for cleaning: 1) do nothing, or 2) do everything meticulously and repeatedly until it feels right… this job will challenge that.