taking risks: coming out about sexual assault and a Vagina interview…

so, despite my nagging fear, I “came out” as having a sexual assault history on fb… I had posted the progression of my picture to give to De, and someone kept asking about it until I finally came out with what it’s for… it’s buried in the comments of that one photo, but it’s there for the world to see.  Eek!  I was thinking of explaining the piece once it was done, and I may well still do that, but I didn’t expect to say anything before hand.  Oh well…

another risk I took came in the form of a response to someone else’s blog.  Pride in Madness did a blog on her responses to the questions asked in The Vagina Monologues.  I responded in the comments section of that blog, but part of me feels the need to expand on some of it.

Um, I would answer this in my own blog, but I’m not sure… hoping it gets lost in the comments section of yours… but I’ve got a slightly different take on things:
If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?
barbed wire and razor blades… but for my wife, a lacy black thing to make up for the need for barbed wire and razor blades…

If your vagina could talk, what would it say, in two words?
yes! no! (or: I hate you! please don’t go…)

About menstruation…
horrifically triggering most months… it all brings about body memories of being assaulted or violated. Cramps often feel like the sensation of being assaulted.  it triggers emotions that I am not always aware of until afterwards.  It can send me into a tail-spin before I know what’s happening.  Even when I know I’m going to get my period, it takes me a few days to figure out why everything feels like it’s crashing.  It wasn’t always this way.  There was a time while I lived up north that the triggers faded and I could get through months without having flashbacks, but I guess places can hold memories too… Like De said, the house screams all the time, especially with these memories.

What does a vagina smell like?
deliciousness 

What does your vagina remind you of?
a lot of the time these last few years, it’s reminded me of being assaulted and violated.

What’s special about your vagina?
it’s been through hell and back, but it’s still ticking… it holds pain and pleasure in equal parts.  I have a love-hate relationship with it.  It’s betrayed me more than I’d care to remember. it has also been wonderful at times.  I want more wonderful back though.