I have a bunch of art journal pages that are just sitting there, waiting for progress. Some are further along than others, and many have been sitting for months. A few are actually finished. Most of them are “left over” supplies pages.
Tag Archives: thinking
So, De has been asking me if I have been thinking more about creating something for Sexual Assault Awareness Month coming up in April. It’s been tough trying to find something I want to show off (even though my name will not be anywhere on the piece). I’ve been throwing a few ideas around in my head, and none really “worked” until this one. The execution of it is a bit off though, so I will be re-doing the piece. It’s just the “practice” version of the image I will give to her to put up in their little display:
I had wanted to do the background in a red chalk, but the one I used was not covering correctly. I tried to draw over it with the watercolor pencil, but it did not cover correctly over the chalk… There’s also some issues with the faces on both characters, so it’s just going to be a complete re-do. I really need to work on my coloring technique too. I wish I could figure it out better on my own, but I suck at it. I think my drawing skills are coming back with practice though. Overall, I’m happy with this piece, it’s just little things that are not working correctly. I think I will also stick to dry media for the coloring this time. Any time I use water or something wet, it really warps the drawing. If I had the correct paper for the watercolors things would look better.
Well, after looking forward really badly to seeing De today, my defenses were up and we talked about a whole lot of nothing. I told her how I had basically just shut down after my disclosure to her back before the holidays. She tried to get me thinking, but my brain was like a little kid not wanting to leave the beach – he dug his heels in and refused to budge. Pictures of planning for my “new to me” fish tank came flying through my brain. I told her, so we talked more about the fear of re-hashing things. She emphasized again that the worst is behind me. Still, all I could picture between visions of planting ideas for the tank was this scrawny little boy with huge dark circles under his eyes, digging his heels into the wet sand, and screaming in protest. (I think that will end up being an art project). Every time I saw him, fear coursed through me and “his” thinking of not wanting to go back to that abuse flashed through my head. I told her about the idea of a kid digging their heels in and not wanting to go (in my head, I was pulling his arm and shoving him forward). De reminded me to try walking him gently along the sand, staying on the wetter sand so our feet don’t burn. I still wanted to shove him forward, and no amount of rationalizing that it would probably make him feel safer if I was more gentle worked to change the picture in my brain. Maybe next week I’ll have worked up to coaxing him along instead of forcing him. De seems to be ok just doing the “process” piece of things (talking about the feelings and the concept of talking or thinking about things). She said we can work towards more content down the line. This week, she wants me to try to talk to L about the fears and what talking about all this stuff to De would be like. She doesn’t want me to worry about the details of things, but the emotions behind it (sometimes that can be scarier but I guess she is hoping L is a safe-enough person for me to start opening up to). She also wants me to work up to maybe telling her (or expressing in some way) the stuff I had on my list to talk about but that I tabled for the time being. She thinks it may be a good place to start. I’m not sure how well I will be able to talk about it, it’s not something I really like to bring up because it tends to be a taboo topic in most cultures. I guess I will give it a try throughout the week and see what comes of it.
Anyway, after leaving De, I dragged L out to the pet store to get some plants for the above-mentioned tank. I found 2 that I liked and was able to purchase. I’m still looking for moss with which to cover the back wall, but these will do for now. I’m not sure what the bottle-brush looking thing is, but I know the one with the broader leaves is a java fern. I also have a waterlily bulb in there, and a red mangrove seed. The waterlily bulb is from the canal out back, and the red mangrove seed is from the beach. I split the bunch of the mystery plant into individual stalks, and I separated the 2 java ferns. I hope they take root well and grow in nicely. I’m hoping to get some christmas tree moss for the driftwood, and some other type of blanketing moss for the back wall. I’m also thinking of making a “river” out of the blue gravel from Mighty Mouse’s (the betta) old tank. I’m just not sure how well it will stay in place when I vacuum. (since originally writing this, I was reminded that java fern needs to have the rhizome in the light, so one is now tied to the front branch of the driftwood, and one is tied to a lava rock).
There’s a single betta and 10 ghost shrimp (oh, and the tiny snail that hitched a ride on the bottle-brush looking plant)