Tag Archives: sushi

backfired

I went to the beach to de-stress. I walked. I went in the water… I formulated a plan. So I got the heck out of there and took myself to dinner for sushi. I shouldn’t have wasted the $15, but I needed a continued distraction…

I want to go back to the beach because it was really calming. But at the same time, I need to not go back right now.

I hate this…

I talked to two friends. It was good. I miss them both a lot. One I will get to see soon after I return up north, the other will take a bit more effort…

I think I should call TM’s office, but… I utilized the crisis chats. It helped a bit.

Gonna plan to take the dogs out, shower, change, jump into bed, and maybe watch a movie or tv show off one of the streaming services. L will be off work soon, so that will be another distraction. Then I may leave a message for TM. I think I may need more help on accountability this weekend, though I really don’t want to bug her about it. That stupid boundary I have in my head might just have to flex for this.

I’m still supposed to go to the IOP intake Monday morning. Then I see TM on Tuesday. Gotta keep going through then… New plan will happen after that.

“My track record for making it through bad days so far is 100%…”


today’s grounding activity: the beach (more pics added)

wpid-20150223_162516_024.jpgSo, in an effort not to sleep all day today, I dragged myself kicking and screaming to the beach (not really, but damn near close to kicking and screaming, because all I wanted to do was curl up in bed all day)… I plopped in the sand for a while, then decided to take a walk down south to try something different. I walked just over 5 miles total, and it was nice. The beach was mostly empty since those up north got screwed out of February vacation. I plugged my music in, rolled up my jeans (yes, I went to the beach in jeans…), and trucked it up and down the shore. I had wanted to go from pier to pier which would have given me an 8 mile round-trip, but I turned around just after 2.6 miles. My lungs were starting to hurt.

Along the way, I thought I passed De running with a friend. I couldn’t tell for sure, but it might have been her. The woman smiled, waved, and said hello to me. No one else on the beach did that, so I’m assuming she knew me or thought she knew me. It would have been easy for her to recognize me because I have a pretty distinctive and large dragon tattoo on my right leg… I know De is a runner, and at one point we had discussed her penchant for running on the beach at least a few times a week… I’m not sure if I really want to know whether or not it was actually her. On the one hand, it would have been nice to see her, on the other… ugh. transference city. So I stared at the sand as I walked past her a second time. I did turn to look afterwards, but the hair seemed too light in color… :shrugs: I dunno…

Anyway, the beach was fun (let’s ignore that every other step came with the thoughts: I wonder if there are sufficient rip currents today? If I wandered in fully clothed, could I drown myself? If I push myself hard enough on the beach, can I induce an asthma attack or cardiac issue that would mean my death? – coz let’s face it; I don’t think I’ll ever be free of those types of thoughts. As that Hyperbole & a Half panel states: It’s not that I want to necessarily *kill* myself, I just want to become dead somehow).  I then treated myself to ice cream. I had thought about sushi, but the place was more expensive than the $4 ice cream (or at least that is what I am going to tell myself. shhh….)

I watched the sunset while eating my ice cream, and I chatted with L through text. It was a nice change of pace; that “pattern interrupt” that TM was looking for. Thank you S.G. (of Girl in Therapy) for convincing me to go! ❤