Tag Archives: journal

Disconnected head-space

I’m in a weird space. I spent some time floating back through the archives of this blog (I was somewhat shocked that my stats went up, so I wanted to see what people were looking at) and could not connect to anything either emotionally or intellectually. I’m really disconnected… I know I wrote it, but it feels like I’m reading about someone else. It all feels so… weird. I’m not quite sure why I don’t connect to any of it. Not the past, not my reactions to things, nothing. It’s like I’m just reading a familiar story, but it’s not mine.

This hasn’t happened recently, and I’ve never really noticed the level of disconnect from everything till today, but it’s disconcerting. The weird feeling normally comes the day after a really disturbing dream. I can’t remember a disturbing dream last night, but I have come off of a week of being sick and having flashbacks/body memories all the time. Maybe my brain is taking some distance before it overloads.

There’s really no emotion today either. I’m not sure what that’s about. I’m flat, almost a void. Maybe more of that distance my head needs. I’m holding my breath till Wednesday. I really would like to talk to TL about a whole bunch of stuff. I’m going to try not to put too many expectations on the session though, because that always leads to a let-down. I will inevitably forget something or gloss over something or get choked on talking about something. I should probably make a list, but there’s also a plan for the session. We were supposed to put emotions to some of the journal pages (I still can’t put words to my own emotions despite being able to help others name theirs… frustrating. More stuff that I lose when I hit an emotional space). I still really want to do that. But I also want to ask her if it would be ok if I followed her to the new agency. And I want to talk about making that work if it’s ok with her. And I want to talk about the body memories. And I want to cover some of the old art journal pages that are really pretty relevent today (plus, there are some new ones… or will be by Wed). There’s also a bunch of stuff I wrote in the last 2 weeks that also need addressing. So yeah, there’s way too much to fit into an hour. I guess I’ll have to prioritize… Time to print out the journals and copy this list to have something to refer back to when I see her.

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sales are my downfall…

So, my favorite art store is closing. I’m sad because they were my go-to for bargain supplies, but also for stuff I couldn’t find at Michael’s, A.C. Moore, or Jo-Anne’s. They catered to professional artists and art students… Anyway, they are having a huge liquidation sale, and I had to check it out.  I picked up some stuff I had been needing/wanting, and I didn’t spend all that much (yay!). Well, with all these new supplies, I had to play today.  I snagged some water-soluble wax crayons, some black markers for my recent art journal obsession (at $0.10 each, buying a few that might get tossed soon was a must), and that wax medium that keeps my acrylic painted journal pages from sticking together… I got a bunch of other stuff also, but these are what I used today. The result was me coloring in eyes I had drawn the other day, and also doing the opposite painted page.  I love song lyrics with meaning, so I decided to add some words from Taylor Swift’s Safe & Sound:

I remember tears streaming down your face/When I said, “I’ll never let you go”/When all those shadows almost killed your light/I remember you said, “Don’t leave me here alone”/…/Just close your eyes/The sun is going down/You’ll be alright/No one can hurt you now/Come morning light/You and I’ll be safe and sound…

I think it brought the two otherwise un-related pieces together (something that seems to be important in my art journaling… I really like 2-page spreads that make sense together. It’s just easier to express things that way). What do you think? Kinda work?


playing with wrecking things

wreck this journalI had seen the “Wreck This Journal” books a while ago and brushed it off as something in which I wasn’t interested.  I looked down on it thinking it was stupid after having looked at only a handful of the pages… then I started to see what people were doing with them.  I fell in love with the idea.  I know I could come up with my own prompts, but it’s just so much easier (and uncomfortable) to use the ones in the book.  I caved and ordered 2 books off amazon (one each for L and I) and they arrived yesterday.  We got to work pretty much as soon as they were out of the box.  L has done a lot more with her’s, but I’m getting there.  It’s a fun, creative process.

Here are a few of the one’s I’ve done so far.

doodle over this pageThis first one was done during couple’s therapy yesterday (we met at Starbucks because it was closer for all involved. It was a bit weird, but not too bad).  The leaves were inspired by the plant on the property across the street, and the bird was inspired by all the birds flying around… I used chalk to color in the line drawing later on that night.

 

 

 

 

you forgot your flash driveThis next one was also done during couple’s therapy, and inspired by Big Bang Theory. If you watch BBT, this is from a pretty iconic scene. The prompt was to doodle or write on the outside edges of the book.

 

 

color outside the linesThis one was inspired by the chalk box that I had decorated several months ago… I love spirals, the sun, and water. This one is also done in chalk.

 

 

 

 

batik sunflowerThis prompt was to tear out the page and crumble it up.  I remembered seeing a kid’s art project where the students drew and colored sunflowers with crayon.  They layered the crayon really heavily, then crumpled up the page to create the creases.  The pictures were flattened again and painted over with black paint.  The excess paint was wiped off before it dried  onto the wax, which created a really cool batik look.  I thought this was the perfect place to try it myself.  Here is the result. (sorry for the blurry pic.  I didn’t realize how bad it was until I saw it on my monitor.  I will take a better one tomorrow).

 

 

rip it to stripsFinally, this page was a white page with dotted lines.  The prompt was to tear it into strips.  I wanted to color it first, so I did.  The following page instructs you to glue, staple, or tape the two pages together.  I sprayed the bottom half of that page with adhesive and stuck the strips to it.  I had intended to keep them flat, but the unruly strips had other plans… I just went with it.

 

If you have not seen these books around yet, I suggest looking them up.  If you are like I was and hesitant because they seemed “stupid” I suggest taking another look.  It give you the chance to be creative, messy, inspiring, social, destructive, and experimental all at once.  If you are not quite sure what to do for any one prompt, just set it aside.  There is no set order to go through the pages, and you can choose to do what it asks, or ignore it and do something different.  Play around, have fun, and try not to judge what you do.

Most people will only publicise the more interesting pages they did, but I will try to keep a balanced log.  I think I may also end up creating my own version that has more of a therapeutic spin to it (maybe something along the lines of a journal version of the 100-theme challenge). Wreck This Journals do have maybe 5 more-introspective prompts, but I think the concept leans towards the creative process rather than any introspection.  It is pretty much the surface aspects of art therapy in a book, but I would want one that entices me to dig a little deeper about stuff… and maybe something that has paper made for art.  The stuff used for this book is pretty porous, which leads to a lot of bleed-though. Being a perfectionist and rather anal about my pages all being useful, this bothers me a bit (though I’m working on accepting the “mess” of it all).