Tag Archives: it’s so disturbing

Strange “memories”?

Sometimes I get these… memories? They are weird. They come from the visual perspective of the adult, but the physical perspective of the kid… it’s very confusing and uncomfortable. 

Any emotional memory connected to it isn’t immediately apparent, though I might hazard a guess that there’s fear and anxiety that comes along with them. Most of that is muted though. It’s quickly overtaken by discomfort/disgust at the thought of ever having possibly perpetrated anything like that. 

It’s really weird to experience…

It’s mostly triggered by seeing infants or young kids just in diapers. I feel things in my body as if it were happening to me, but I see it from an outside perspective, as if I were the one doing it. None of the physical sensations go along with being the one doing things, but all the visuals are of that… 

Super disturbing.

Really want to talk to someone about it, but Dr C is still away till Monday. Gonna have to sit with it till then, unless I text her, but I don’t really want to interrupt her week away…