Tag Archives: hide

Themes much? (Art Journal)

Done over the last few days. I’m obsessed with the pebeo mirror foil… and needing some reminders apparently.
Also, new gelato colors are wonderful.

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kicking self

I ended up cancelling tomorrow’s appointment with TM, and I am kicking myself.

While it decreased the anxiety around taking more than I should, I recognize it’s pushing her away. It’s not really what I want to do, but I’m also not sure I can sit with knowing I would be taking up three time slots this week. I know they are often hard-pressed to offer services to everyone that reaches out to them. I don’t want to take so much more than my share. If I take 2 additional time slots with TM, that’s 2 people still on the waiting list…

She gave me permission to hide in bed for a bit. I’m sure she didn’t mean all week, but whatever works, right?

Curling up, hiding, and ignoring the world…

I’m guessing if I asked for that time slot, I could probably get it back, but I don’t want to keep waffling. I’ll leave her a message tonight sometime after midnight, because then it’s technically Thursday (I had said I would call for a check-in on Thursday). I know she wanted to actually talk to me, but it’s easier to talk to her voice mail. She may be a bit frustrated by that, but I’m working on walls… She’ll probably be more relived that she doesn’t have to waste time on the phone with me.


Building Walls (art journal – WIP)

TM wanted me to do art this week…
Started Tuesday, and it’s progressed a bit.

Still working on it…

 

 


Monica’s closet

You know that episode of Friends where Chandler finds out about Monica’s closet? To the outside world, Monica is organized and together. She has her moments, but she’s actually quite OCD about her house being clean and perfect. Everyone believes this and goes with it. That’s how they categorize her. Then one day, I think it’s Chandler who stumbles upon a locked door hidden away in the apartment. He breaks into it to find a cartoon-esque closet packed to the hilt with stuff. It’s disorganized and messy and you can’t pull any single thing out without everything else falling out behind it. Chandler is shocked, and Monica freaks out that he’s found her secret…

Going to therapy is like Monica walking Chandler to this closet, telling him to watch as she opens it, pulls something out, then gets covered in the contents… and then Chandler has to leave for work, and Monica’s left stuffing things back into the closet by herself (totally frazzled, overwhelmed, and vulnerable).

Sometimes I wonder why I bother, yet I keep going back hoping this time I’ll get more help with it all. I hope that this time I’ll be able to finally organize things so they are not as overwhelming… coz even if I hid the closet away behind locks and chains and furniture, I would know it’s there and is a complete mess…


Imagine dragons – demons

Love this song. Specifically the chorus. Fits me.
Don’t get too close, they bite.

(Emphasis added)

IMAGINE DRAGONS
“Demons”

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you

But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide

It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It’s the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound

Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul

I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now

Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide


Worst fear

My worst fear is not any object or event.  My worst fear is that everything the negative side of me thinks and feels is accurate. I look for evidence both to support and refute these conclusions on any given day.

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