Tag Archives: can’t remember

Fictional parallels

So, the plotline of one of the characters on Blindspot continues to unfold. I had initially thought that they dropped the story line, but they moved forward with it the last several episodes. 

It originally stared last season when one of the agents ended up arresting his former coach/mentor on child sex abuse charges. The agent (Reade) initially thought that only his peers had been abused, but one of his old friends from that time clued him in to his own abuse. Reade had no memory of any of it. His only hint at proof came from a tape with his own name on it that he found in the coach’s apartment among the stash of tapes the coach made of the abuses.

They introduced some minor hints around it being accurate, but they didn’t focus much on it. Mostly, they showed Reade’s avoidance of it. Looking back, they did a pretty decent job of portraying the denial/overwhelm stage of remembering abuse. 

The most recent episode ended with Reade sitting down with Zapata to watch the tape he had stolen from the apartment. 

The whole story has my interest piqued. I can relate to so much of it: the total dissociation of any memories for decades, the sudden confrontation with an alternate “truth”, the anger, the denial, the pushing it away… I find myself holding my breath to see what happens next. I want to know that I’m not totally alone in how I’m experiencing things… and I want to have some sort of guidebook through all of this. I know Dr C says this isn’t abnormal, but it’s nice to see it presented that way more places than just her office. It’s kinda like feeling alone for so long, then finding someone else that sees things the same way you do. I know it’s just a TV show (and they can still take it in the direction of Reade never actually having been abused), but it’s relatable… it’s the same relief I find in going to the new group (though that is technically over as of Monday). 

I dunno… I forgot where I was going with this post. Maybe it was about finding something to relate to? I dunno… Blindspot is proving to be a decent show despite the frequent cheesey-ness. And unlike Nashville, it’s handling the child abuse ramifications more accurately. Nashville introduced ptsd basically in one episode, then “resolved” it in the next. Blindspot is taking a more accurate approach to the topic. I just hope they follow through on it rather than end it with the whole thing simply being a “scare” for the character…

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old defenses kicking in

I know I had therapy today, but… what did we talk about? I was there the whole hour… I think I knew when I had left her, but now a ton of walls went up.

I know at the end of the session, she offered me another one this week. I was really conflicted about taking it. I couldn’t voice to her why. I still can’t really put it into words. There’s a lot of transference. It’s definitely a block to me being able to speak in session with her. It’s kind of blocking me even now. I can’t remember all the reasons I had in the moment…

I think maybe there was also some worry about… I dunno. It’s all kinda just gone. Was gonna call and leave her a message telling her why I was hesitant, but I guess there’s no point now. I can’t figure out what to say. I wouldn’t know what to say in the session. Sure, it makes the days a bit easier to get through, but… 😦

I hate when my old defenses shut me off from everything. It was great when I developed it, but now it just sucks.