I tried to get myself to do something artistic yesterday, but everything took too much effort or wasn’t interesting…
The day was spent alternating between pacing the house and zoning on the couch. Towards the end of the day, I managed to put on the TV to at least have some noise.
I’m so tired:
- Of feeling like crap all the time
- Of never getting enough sleep
- Of getting over one hurdle to be tripped up by the next
- Of constantly feeling like my body is not my own because of body memories
- Of never getting anywhere in life
- Of this unending cycle
I’m just so tired…
Why does my wife even put up with me?
I just don;t enjoy things anymore. And everything makes me cranky. I’m bored and cranky and a total bitch. And my anxiety is rising over G coming to spend the rest of the week here starting tomorrow. I think that adds to my cranky bitchiness. I just don’t want to do anything… Except maybe some stuff that is frowned-upon…
Can we just miraculously get some money again and head out of the house for the next 3 days? I wish I had known sooner that he was coming, I would have not spent all our cash on other shit.
I hate myself. I hate that I react this way. I hate that I’m a bitch to the people I care about. I just hate everything about me. (And I hate that I want to shred my leg right now because I hate myself)… Does the cycle end?