Tag Archives: auditory flashbacks

dumb question…

can you have flashbacks of non- trauma memories?

Or, at least I don’t think that bit was traumatic…

It happened at mil’s house tonight, both the kids were doing their homework. Our great niece kept doing anything but reading, and MeeMa kept telling her to “read [her] book”. For a few seconds, I was a kid, hearing that same phrase while doing homework… it was my aunt saying it? Or maybe my mom? I’m not really sure, but it was an adult female in the family and it wasn’t bitch… Or maybe it was?

It was so strong in the moment that it happened, but it’s mostly faded now.

I did recall feeling uncomfortable, like i was waiting for more fighting, but… it was such a weird moment… and it wasn’t a flashback directly to a domestic violence moment (the only kinds that come with visuals and sound for me. The sa memories are 90% physical with only the vaguest sense of what the situation actually was)…

I dunno… it felt so real though, and it’s so dissolved now…

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My evolving ptsd

So, while my auditory flashbacks have tamed themselves and the self injury urges are diminishing, emotional flashbacks have intensified as has my desire to be dead (not necessarily suicidal, but just want out). Just as I think I get a handle on part of this ****, something else pools up with equal intensity. It takes me forever to figure out what is going on, then I fully expect it to change on me again. One thing gets better only to be replaced by 20 others. Does it end ever? 

Does it happen this way to anyone else? 

I know a lot of stress has piled up in my life recently, but I wish at least my reactions to things would stay the same. I would know what to do with it all instead of fumbling around trying to figure out why the sky feels like it’s falling. I know how to handle the auditory stuff a bit better than this emotional stuff (and this causes more collateral damage to those around me)… I see De tomorrow, hope she can help figure this out :/