Category Archives: music

Life round here – Ellie Goulding & Angel Haze

ELLIE GOULDING
“Life Round Here”
(feat. Angel Haze)

[Chorus: Ellie Goulding (x4)]
Part time love is the life round here
We’re never done
Everything feels like touchdown on a rainy day

[Verse 1: Ellie Goulding]
Now we’re at square one
And we wait too long
Til’ we’re at square one

[Chorus: Ellie Goulding (x2)]

[Verse 2: Angel Haze]
I wonder how you’d feel if you were lost in my mind
Since you barely understand my thoughts sometimes
Little bit of depth and a little bit of God
Cause I swear that I be livin’ in the dark sometimes
And it sets in here, nobody gets let in
‘Til I let my emotions out on every single page and instrumental I’m left with
Shit, I wonder, will I ever really feel shit?
And if it all takes time and I ask why, will time eventually reveal this?
Cause… the remedy, I’m searchin’ for the remedy
Cause I’m fucked up and my heart’s just another ghost of my memory
Knock real hard on real real wood
Things still feel bad when they real real good
And my brain just a vessel and the knowledge suppose to heal
But the more you fuckin’ know, less things feel real
Less things feel real, and the time shifts
And my mind shifts and ain’t really anyone or anything I can really vibe with
Cause… I’m searchin’, but I’m terrified
And by the time I find what I’m lookin’ for, I’ll be dead inside

[Outro: Angel Haze (Ellie Goulding)]
Cause part time love is the life round here
We’re never done
(We’re never done)


Mourning by Tantric

I just love the sound of this song… and the lyrics, though not necessarily taking them in the context in which they were written…

Continue reading


Don’t Believe by Seether

I have this song on my iPod. The part about taking all you can take drew me in when it played the other day. I hadn’t really paid attention to the rest of the lyrics so I looked them up… “Don’t believe in anyone” is another one that resonates though it shouldn’t.

Your heart is carved in stone
And apathy flows in your veins
When flesh falls from the bone
You’ve taken all you can take

You can take
All you can take
You can take

Don’t believe in anyone
‘Cause they’ll feel you so much more
Deep inside the venom is burning
Love her

When stink fades into smell
The liquor has washed you away
When face cracks into smile
You’ve taken all you can take

You can take
All you can take
You can take

Don’t believe in anyone
‘Cause they’ll feel you so much more
Deep inside the venom is burning
Love her

You can’t take
I’ll give in
You can’t break
What’s broken
Your mistake
I’ll rest my body in the ground

Don’t believe in anyone
‘Cause they’ll feel you so much more
Deep inside the venom is burning
Love her

Don’t believe in anyone
‘Cause the day that you were born
Can’t deny the enemy’s taken over


Devil’s Thunder by Rachael Cantu

I heard this song on Private Practice recently, and fell in love with her music.

 

“Little bird” by her also. This one!


Art Journal – Never Measure Up

Playing around a bit tonight with spray inks and newer washi tape (hadn’t used the tape measure one yet).

I really like the subtle effect you get when water is applied through a stencil over dried spray ink. It gives the pattern of the stencil without overpowering the piece.

image

I kinda stalled for a moment at this point. I wasn’t exactly sure where to go next for this one, so I dug through my washi tapes. The tape measure one jumped out at me, as did the caution. I applied those two and scrawled out something about never measuring up around the tapes. I liked the red pen, but didn’t think it would show over the background too well… and I didn’t know what else to write.

Then the song Hurt (by NIN, but covered by Johnny Cash – one of the few times I like both the original and the cover) came on my playlist. I know I’ve used some of the lyrics in another piece, but I wrote out all of it for this one… In white, so it again doesn’t overpower the piece but also doesn’t get totally lost (this gel pen absorbs some of the background pigment so it blends relatively well, mimicking the changes in background color and intensity while still remaining lighter than the background).

I also wanted to practice figure drawing a bit more, so I did a quick sketch inspired by a magazine ad for that famous little blue pill… I took some artistic license with the sketch and omitted the fact that she was mostly naked and quite airbrushed… she’s also crying in my version.

image

Still need to practice my faces and hands and overall figures, but this is okay for what it is.

Who knew I’d find a use for those “mistake” flower stamps from last night? I thought I would just end up covering over them completely. I like how they work with this piece though. I’m glad I picked this page to play on tonight.


More art journal progress

I was all about avoiding stuff yesterday. To that end, I played a bunch with my art journal. It doesn’t look like much progress, but lots of time was spent organizing my supplies because, well, avoidance.

wpid-img_20150425_223137.jpgI finally got around to making use of the little buckle findings from the Tim Holtz line (had gotten an “as is” pack several months ago and meant to make a closure for my first art journal, but that didn’t materialize). Anyway while catching up on Arrow and a Sleepy Hollow, I did the buckles:

 

wpid-wp-1430025053079.jpgI also worked on the tiger wing page more. The writing is excerpts from lyrics to Faith Hill’s “if you’re gonna fly away“. I changed two lines where she spoke of prayer to more accurately reflect me. “Has the sun gone down on you?/Have you given up on truth, oh?/I wish I could say all the right things/To make your pain go away/I wish you knew how beautiful/You are in every way/…So you’ll take a thousand pills/Hoping to be numb/Lie awake in bed/Counting all that’s wrong//No one understands/No one ever will/Trust me when I tell you/I know just how you feel…”

 

wpid-wp-1430024972849.jpgAnd finally, I added lyrics to the rose page from the other night. There’s a Tori Amos song called Blood Roses that fit the page pretty well… “Back on the street now/Can’t forget the things you never said/On days like these starts me thinking/…Now you’ve cut out the flute/From the throat of the loon/At least when you cry now/He can’t even hear you…”

 

Like I said, it doesn’t look like much progress, but it took me all day (probably because I couldn’t concentrate to stay on task for the life of me).

The depression is definitely still here. I was going to try to go to the beach today, but it took all my energy just to shower (which was a first in 5 days). I could have left the house, but I’m finding it harder and harder to do. The overwhelm of what it would take to get out of the house, coupled with the huge lack of reward, is making it seem nearly impossible. What’s the point trying?

I also find myself once again doubting these recent memories. If they really are accurate, how come I didn’t remember them before? Sure, they explain my intense anxiety around going to bed, and some other behavioral or cognitive things, but… memory can be unreliable. It could all just be something I’m fabricating in order to make sense of those symptoms that make no sense. The visceral reactions to certain triggers may just be a learned response. If they are false, no restructuring needs to happen around my understanding of life. If they are false, then it was all just for attention… If they are true, the world changes. I’m not sure which I prefer: am I narcissistic and unable to survive without a sob story, or did yet more really crappy stuff happen in my life that will change my understanding of childhood? Can I pick neither?


Mirror – Kat Dahlia (art journal)

I started this page a while ago (note the Jan 2015 date), but it was only a bg for a long time. A week or two ago I added the lyrics, but it still wasn’t finished. It needed something else. Finally, today I added the flowers. I’m not totally happy with it, but I’m ok with it…

wpid-img_20150322_194416.jpgAnyway, Here’s the page. The lyrics are from Kat Dahlia’s “Mirror” – I wear my heart on my sleeve/Don’t act like that’s a disease/Need y’all to bear with me please/I just say what I see/We all just chasing a dream/In the land of the free/While we paying a fee/To stay on this concrete/Well, I don’t know the price of your roof/But the first of the month we all pay our dues/When the rain falls it don’t rain on a few/When the sun shine it don’t shine just on you//I don’t know the monsters you knew/But I’m trying to forget the ones I met too/Baby, you could help me/Baby, I could help you//You look at me and you see what I see/Because you’re looking in the mirror/When you’re with me there’s no use in hiding/Because you’re looking in the mirror/Baby, baby, baby, don’t look away/Because you’re looking in the mirror/’Cause maybe, maybe, maybe we’re just the same/Because you’re looking in the mirror//We’re all crossing paths/For a reason I know that/Hoping just to share some laughs/Avoid the broken glass/Have I met you in the past/In a life that I lived last/You know they go too fast/God knows they go too fast//Well, I don’t know the monsters you knew/But I’m trying to forget the ones I met too/Baby you could help me/Baby I’m a help you//You look at me and you see what I see/Because you’re looking in the mirror/When you’re with me there’s no use in hiding/Because you’re looking in the mirror/Baby, baby, baby, don’t look away/Because you’re looking in the mirror/’Cause maybe, maybe, maybe we’re just the same/Because you’re looking in the mirror//Baby, baby/Baby, baby/It’s the same pain/And when I wake/I hear the same wave/Of sirens coming down my way/And I’ll never try to leave you/Baby, you’re the one I cling to/Baby, don’t look away/Baby, don’t look away/I am you.