Insomnia

That fear of going to sleep is back. It’s not debilitating, but it’s making it difficulty to get rest.

It’s not really connected to anything in the present, I’m just anxious and uncomfortable about going to sleep, even of I’m exhausted.

I used to be ok if i stayed on the couch, but lately it’s there too. I suddenly don’t like night time, though I’m paradoxically most comfortable in the dark (or, part of me is because even as I write that, it doesn’t totally ring true. Part of me has always been uncomfortable with the dark hours, but part of me feels most comfortable there… it’s so confusing sometimes).

Anyway, I’m nervous about going to sleep. I’m nervous about the nighttime… and I’m out of the mj that helps me sleep, so there really isn’t relief.

I’m exhausted, but I’m afraid to sleep. Even of I get sleep, I don’t feel rested, but i also feel the need to keep going. I’m having trouble just sitting still, or just being. I need to be occupied. I need to have my mind focusing on something else. I need to avoid thinking and feeling at all costs… it feels like I’m running from something, but again, I’m not quite sure what.

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2 responses to “Insomnia

  • alicewithptsd

    I hate that afraid to go to sleep feeling, but not really having it connected to anything specific. I don’t really like sensorimotor psychotherapy but Bea and I used it somewhat successfully two summers ago when I was having an impossible time falling asleep. I would lay down to fall asleep and end up so afraid I would be up all night. It didn’t matter if it was the couch or bed, although my bed was worse…..anyway, we used SP and found the it was the actually laying down that was sending me into panic, and used SP to work through it some. It’s still hard to fall asleep, and I need an audio book on to distract me, along with lots of lights, but I do usually manage to sleep for part of the night now. All of that to say I get it, and it is awful, and that there are things that can help. Hang in there. 💕

    • Samantha Jane

      thanks… It really is a shitty feeling. I’ll have to brainstorm with DrC about it. I’m not sure she does sp, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. I know mines connected with first going to sleep after its dark outside, but beyond that, in at a loss. I can sleep without anxiety when it’s bright out, or of i wake up in the middle of the night…

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