Black clouds

Dr C set me up with an aprn in her practice. Gonna try that generic testing that’s supposed to help narrow down the window of meds to try. 


I dunno. It’ll either help me find a med that works, determine once and for all that meds just make me worse, or I wind up finally at peace. Any of those options is fine with me. I’m cooked. 

Dr C asked if I was cutting again with this depression. No. If I started now, I would just land myself in the hospital because of it. I’m in no mood to revisit that cycle…

Insomnia’s back to moderate again: 3-4 hours a night except Monday night when I took a muscle relaxer for my back; then I slept for like 7…

Hope is a curse. Knowing this will pass and things will get better just sucks, because I also know that things will get worse again too. It’s some cruel form of torture… I must have been horrid in a previous life. 


2 responses to “Black clouds

  • manyofus1980

    I hope you find it useful to do the testing. I’ve never tried it. Hope you find something that works!

    • Samantha Jane

      Thank you. I did get the results back, and they kinda confirmed my experiences: that the meds I had been trying all had significant gene interactions. Some of what they said should happen was actually the opposite though… I’m thinking of trying one of the three meds they listed as highest likelihood of working well. Maybe. I’m still really nervous about it since the last time I tried anything was so horrible…

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