Talked to Dr C about dissociation today, though I was pretty dissociated when we talked, so I don’t remember much about it.
I mentioned disliking this state of half-knowing. I’d rather forget completely, without any of the side effects of merely dissociating things, but that’s not totally accurate. I’d probably lose part of myself if I totally wiped the memories… but remembering is overwhelming. It’s painful and distressing. I don’t know how to make it feel safe.
I guess Wednesday we will talk about something related to all this, but I can’t remember what she mentioned.
I’m so tired of this struggle.