I think it was here that I was talking about bad dreams vs nightmares (how I rarely consider anything I dream a nightmare because it doesn’t really scare me as badly as a nightmare should)… Anyway, I would definitely consider the dream I just woke from a nightmare.

In it, I was driving slow through a parking lot looking for a space. One of the cousins in L’s family was walking there with his kids. The oldest kid (still only like 5 in the dream) stated running around as they were walking. His parents tried to redirect him to be careful because of the cars, but they missed grabbing his arm as he ran by. I gritted to slam on my brakes,but they didn’t work. I hit the older kid before I simply slammed the shifter into park to avoid hitting everyone else… the kid ended up being ok. He had to go to the hospital, but he was ok. The rest of the family (in true dream style) just bounced off my car like marshmallows when it got close. I got in trouble for hitting the kid, but my punishment was to drive somewhere with the maintenance guy from my job (he was a Marshall or something like that in the dream). We drove through my Facebook feed, and everyone either hated me for being reckless, or the parents for not keeping better control of their kids… then part-way through the feed, as I’m sobbing because I hurt a child, a former boss sits down with me to do art therapy. I’m still crying hysterically and feeling shitty… then the dog woke me up.

Anyway, aside of realizing that in the dream, I managed to make it all about me and my emotions around having hurt the kid, it was definitely what I would consider a nightmare. It Feely like I couldn’t escape it, and like I had caused an insurmountable amount of pain for others. I couldn’t shake the feeling after I awoke either. It helped wiring about it though. For some reason, simply thinking about it as a dream doesn’t do much, but being able to write it out and see how impossible it is helped process it as a nightmare rather than reality…

It’s also an effective reminder that I need to finally change my brakes. At the last oil change, the mechanic suggested changing them within the next 3000 miles. It’s been about that long…


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