Letters to no one

Dear Dr C,
I don’t want to bother you, but I kinda just want to hide in your pillow fort…
Just about 90 minutes left of the work day. I’m so tired. I’m impressed I made it without crying and breaking down. No guarantees that won’t yet happen next week, but it didn’t Happen yet today.
Would it be ok if I asked for more sessions again next week? The black hole in my chest is still collapsing. My  throat hurts. I’m tired. I’m feeling impulsive… this is hard.
I don’t want to break you with my neediness.
I hope I don’t break you. I’ve broken enough therapists…
Can I bring cow with me Monday to sit in your pillow fort? I got her groomed today, so she shouldn’t shed all over the place now.

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3 responses to “Letters to no one

  • andreabehindglass

    I don’t think you can “break” a good therapist. I don’t think anyone can. You’re a good person. I honestly don’t believe you could have done anything to hurt a past therapist, and whatever happened wasn’t your fault. If something did happen, I’d say it was because that person wasn’t in a position to be offering therapy to others at the time, and it wasn’t remotely fair for you to have to deal with this. I know I don’t know the circumstances, but I really do believe this. I hate that you feel this way. You shouldn’t be carrying blame. This isn’t your fault.

    • Samantha Jane

      Thanks. Part of me knows I can’t really break therapists, but the little kid side of me constantly fears it. I know the last t that left the field while I was a client was simply coincidence, but… Maybe it wasn’t?

      • andreabehindglass

        It was, but I have a very strong sense of my own badness, so can see how one could believe such an idea. In any case, it really wasn’t anything (!) to do with you. ❤

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