Running from sleep

I can’t bring myself to put my phone down and try to sleep. It’s not the familiar terror of falling asleep, but a feeling of running from something I don’t want to deal with. As long as I’m awake, I can avoid whatever it is in my dreams tonight that wants to haunt me.

I’ve felt like I was running from something for a while now, only I’m not sure what. I suppose I could give in and let it have a chance to catch up with me, but there’s an anxiety around that… I have no real clue what “it” is other than something anxiety-provoking.

I guess tonight’s safe enough to try to slow myself down; I see Dr C tomorrow for a second season this week, then again on Thursday for group. There will be plenty of chance to touch base around anything that might surface.

It’s just that it’s… I dunno… kinda scary. I’m not sure what I’ll find, and i’m not sure I want to actually find it.

I guess I’ll eventually have no choice, but… can I run from it a while longer?

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