I haven’t had much to say lately. Therapy has just been… therapy. Nothing major or very deep… or maybe it has, but hasn’t been overly memorable? We talked a bit about the topic of touch, but not too much. Dr C loaned me a book on the topic (A Very Touching Book, by Jan Hindman). It’s written mainly with kids in mind, but works for adults as well… it’s actually kind of cool, breaking touch down into 3 types: good, bad, and secret. I like that delineation. It makes inappropriate touch easier to understand and explain that way.
Other than that, just plugging along through the days. I’ve been working a few more hours, which is nice. The holidays were uneventful. I hadn’t done much art lately, but picked it up again these past 3 days or so. Dr C and I had talked more about masks and layers of self. She asked if I would want to do some art around it, so I’ve been trying to work on that. I’m not quite sure where I’m going with it, but it’s going…slowly. Mostly at the moment it’s covering layers I dislike because I wasn’t really sure where I was going with them. I wish I had taken more progress shots, but I wasn’t expecting to cover quite so much of each layer at the time I went to add more to them.
This is the current top layer, though it will be added to/covered some more after it dries:
It’s actually a 2-page-spread layer I had taped onto the original page. I will be doing the back side of this page, adding another 2-page-spread layer taped under this one, but to the right side. The top most layer will represent the life I have now: the love, the success, the life that I built for myself. The middle layer will be a more translucent layer. It will be that murky, uncertain, muddled layer that will represent the symptoms that were so confusing out-of-context. It’s the confusion around whether all of this is just in my mind, or actually true. The bottom layer will be the ickiness that hides in the past: the abuse, the assaults, the trauma stuff…
So far I only have that top layer done. It kinda feels like 3 or more art journal pages rolled into one project… and it’s daunting. I miss my art friends who helped so much with inspiration and ideas. I’m substituting them with an endless stream of YouTube art journal tutorial videos. They are mostly just going on in the background, but they’re good for sparks of ideas.
Here’s the only other “wip” shot of this page, and two stamps I carved yesterday for a change of pace.