Building

I’m not sure what this anxiety is about today, but I’m doing my best to “sit through it” until its resolution. It feels like something is trying to break through to the surface. I feel frantic and rushed. I want to find that release for it.

I can feel sensations building to body memories but they are still vague and patchy.

I started doing art in hopes of expressing it, but it’s slow going trying to get the image right. I found something on instagram that reflects the emotion building (or will, with some modification), but it’s also building anxiety around getting the expression “just right”…

I was hoping some of my friends would be around to come play art with me, but everyone is working or sick. I was then hoping to find technique tutorials online, but I can’t pay attention to them. I want to get right to the painting. I really want my bg to dry now (and to give me the look I’m going for, which isn’t exactly happening atm… wishing I hadn’t ruined a bg with the huge flowers I had added to it. Made me have to cover over the bg, and now it’s not the look I wanted)…

Anyway, trying to keep the anxiety in check. Trying also not to bug Dr C again for the millionth time this week. The last 3 sessions triggered stirrings. I need them to hurry up and make themselves known so I can settle again without resorting to those coping skills that shall not be named.

Someone come play art with me…

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