goodbyes are hard

I have trouble with the concept of feeling cared about. I don’t see why anyone would want to ever remember me unless I’m in their face & bugging them. To me, goodbyes feel like a death. Some people have proved that fear wrong, but I still fear it all the time. It’s a combination of not feeling real or worthy of being remembered, feeling really crappy about myself, and knowing I will miss the person’s company (probably a ton more than they will miss mine)… I guess you could say I don’t believe I could have object permanence with someone if I am not right there for them to be reminded of me. Most of my goodbyes involve a final severance. I suck at keeping in touch b/c I worry I annoy or frustrate the other person by trying to reach out to them. They probably get frustrated and think I don’t care, so they give up trying. In reality, I care a whole lot, but feel awkward reaching out…

I was told it’s natural to miss someone you have grown used to seeing, but I never manage to believe anyone should put effort into missing me.


10 responses to “goodbyes are hard

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: