fake it till you make it

…or not.

It’s all fake, but I can’t drop the mask. Not to anyone. I’m afraid it’s gone too far and I need to keep the mask on because that’s all that’s left holding me together.

I’m so tired. I’m out of energy to keep faking it for too much longer. :/

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8 responses to “fake it till you make it

  • alicewithptsd

    I know this feeling. I call it the bubble. When I’m in the bubble, i am faking it with the best of any actress out there, i should win an oscar. But you know what? Its tiring. Exhausting, really. And when the bubble popped the last time, i surivived. It sucked, but i am okay. Maybe you can drop the mask, just a little, with someone. Its okay. I’m sending hugs and support. I get it. A lot of us get it. Don’t give up. Xx💜

    • Samantha Jane

      Thanks. What helped get through it? I’m trying to figure out how to drop the mask, but it’s kinda scary. I don’t want to get back to that really low point…

      • alicewithptsd

        Well…I actually didn’t purposefully do it. Bea popped the bubble, and it was like everything I had been avoiding came flooding in. I let myself cry. And then when I felt so angry with her for popping the bubble, I somehow admitted to her I was mad but afraid to be mad because I needed her. She told me I could be mad and still need her; that those feelings weren’t mutually exclusive. I spent a lot of time with yoga right after the bubble popped. And emailed Bea a lot. I don’t know. I wish I had the answer. And it’s not perfect. I’m still a mess. I guess the difference is, I’m not pretending life is perfect anymore. My parents are coming tomorrow, and I’ve cleaned, but left my house looking like my house instead of making it look like a replica of my moms house. I’m not hiding who I am anymore. Maybe accepting Bea’s acceptance of me, and hubby’s acceptance of me…allowing myself to feel that and admit I need them gave me something, a safety net, to feel strong enough to attempt to be authentically me. I don’t know if this makes a lot of sense. But it’s the best I can do.

        Don’t give up. You deserve to be you. Xx💜

      • Samantha Jane

        ♡ I wish I had your courage (even if it was forced).

      • alicewithptsd

        I think you do have it, even if you don’t recognize it yet. Think of all the things you have lived through. One thing Bea has done for me is reframe all the “crazy” things I do as creative and strong– they were the things that got me to a point where I was safe enough to start the therapy and healing journey. Maybe reframing somethings would help you? It helps me to think of myself as creative and adaptive and strong, instead of crazy and damaged.

        You can do this. Xx

      • Samantha Jane

        Reframing. Yes. Very much needed. My self esteem makes it difficult to do, but I think you are right; it makes a huge difference. Coping skills are often very creative and inventive when we have nothing else to turn to… ♡

      • alicewithptsd

        Its very hard to reframe things when you don’t like yourself. I usually need my therapist to do it for me, and then I try to keep what she has said in my mind. I don’t know. Hang in there. Xx

      • Samantha Jane

        yeah, it help when someone else does it for you…
        thanks. :hugs:

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