exhausted

today has been so exhausting. while I did finally figure out that I was having flashbacks in my sleep, I had trouble shaking the emotional aftermath of them. then something I knew was coming eventually (but wasn’t sure when) was finalized: one of the snakies has been sold and is off to his new home. I had him for 2 years and 4 days. :/ I know it’s something that needs to be done, but it doesn’t make it easier…

i’m so tired, yet I am afraid to go to bed. I don’t want more flashbacks. there’s little I can do during a dream to stop them or change them or deal with them (I have not mastered lucid dreaming). I really want some sleep though. I want to be able to rest.

I see TM tomorrow. we are going to talk more about my disclosure from last week. I’d prefer to be rested and not so raw for that.

no amount of comfort food is filling the hole today…

hug teddybeary might join me for session tomorrow. i hope TM reacts to her like De did (understand she is there for comfort) rather than as LK-B did (fear that I was headed to the hospital imminently, so helped facilitate the trip).

(random picture from the internet. sadly I didn’t save the link so I don’t know who to credit, but it’s not mine) –>

 

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4 responses to “exhausted

  • Time For Anxiety

    I could not imagine not even getting a break life when I am sleeping. That must be incredibly hard for you to deal with. Are you thinking about negative things before you go to bed, or do these flashbacks happen no matter how you feel?

    I guess I’m one of the lucky people who does not remember their dreams. Maybe the dream is trying to tell you something? Perhaps there is something you are not dealing with properly when you are awake, and your dream is reminding you to do something.

  • Time For Anxiety

    It’s awesome that you are trying to do something about it. Meditation is a practice I have always pondered, but never let myself fully dive into. Let me know how that works.

  • aprilalmost

    Lack of sleep is one thing but waking up from these nightmares is awful. I completely feel for you as it is a nightly terror for me too. I have found one main thing that helps (after years of trying everything) in the form of a mood light that changes colours slowly. Putting it on even for a few minutes before going to sleep helps and when I wake up in a complete panic during the night it helps calm me down much quicker. Hope you get some good sleep very soon.

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