TM was back today. I’m not sure anymore why I thought she hated me, though I left there wanting to cry (they would have been happy tears).
We talked about values I grew up with vs values I’ve instilled in myself. I’m supposed to contemplate that and put it on paper for next session.
I held true to pulling out my coloring book, though I had to borrow her crayons since the dogs ate mine last night (I think crayola flavors them or something because the dogs hunt them down and devour them). I had given her my list from last month, though I was really reluctant to pull it out. Everything I write between sessions always feels stupid and trivial by the time I get in to see her. I put huge judgements on them and never want to hand it over… She, like TL and De, says that nothing I’ve given her has been stupid. I dunno, but she says she’s being genuine, so I’m gonna go with it.
I know we talked the whole hour, but I’m not sure what else we covered. I was having a lot of trouble paying attention and retaining anything she said for longer than 30 seconds. I’m not totally sure where I went, but it was bothersome. I couldn’t formulate responses, or even process a lot of what she had said…
She offered another session this week to help get back in the groove. I hesitated, because I didn’t want to come off as annoying or needy. She caught the pause and asked about it. I was able to tell her that I didn’t want to be annoying. She assured me she would not have offered it if she thought I was too annoying (actually, I think she said something along the lines of having had already passed me on to another clinician if she thought I was as bad as I thought I was). So we scheduled another session this week.
On the way home, I wanted to go to the beach, but I have yet to find a parking spot. I never realized how big of a deal they make out of St Patrick’s Day here, every city is having a beach/block party that is already underway… hopefully the next parking area I try will have a space (I stopped to grab a slice of pizza coz I was starving, so no worries, I’m not driving and writing). If I do land at the beach, I’ll share some pics 🙂
I didn’t end up at the beach. I forgot spring break season is upon us. There was too much traffic, so I turned around and came home. It’s a good thing too, because my vertigo started up again. I was having trouble processing my environment on the drive. Shortly after getting home, I got really incredibly tired and slept for almost 3 hours. Last time this happened, I told myself I was going to go to the doctor about it, so that’s where we are headed. My gut is telling me this is more than vertigo.
A 2.5-hour ER visit later (complete with a few vials of blood and a CT scan), and I’m back where I started. They did give me a referral to a neurologist though, so I will try to follow-up with them tomorrow. The confusion and extreme exhaustion is what has me thinking this isn’t just vertigo, though I may be wrong. Hoping this bout leaves quickly…