I want to talk or journal or something, but I find myself starting and stopping before anything materializes. I’m not sure what to say or how to say it. My responses to people are short and substance-less. I dunno. This whole uncertainty about therapy combined with flow is fucking with me today. I just want to cry and sleep.
Those walls that go up are good at keeping emotions at bay, but they also make me blank and stuck.
I have a feeling TM’s not back yet, nor will she be any time soon (or I fear that). I’m not sure what to do with it, how to process that right now. Because I worried about her dropping me based on the direction of the last session, I feel like we are done, and I need closure on this. Only I don’t know how to get it. There’s no closure if she’s out and we can’t meet. There’s also no correcting/confirming my assumption that she wants me out.
I’m also worried about her. I hope she is ok… I don’t want to think she’s really hurting, or worried about a loved one or herself, or sick. I want her to be ok. She seems really nice. I don’t want anything bad happening to her.