Realization

I came to an understanding earlier today, and in an attempt not to harass TM about it, I’m going to share here.

Even the worst consequences of my self harm were still emotionally safer than anything that was done to me in the past. Without really consciously realizing it, I think I was trying to change the outcome of the abuse. In a way, it did work. The memories of seeking help from someone I trusted are easier to handle than the memories of abuse that carry similar physical sensations…

It’s not the healthiest or safest way to accomplish the task, but it was effective.

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