2 days; polar opposites

today is not a good day. as manageable as yesterday was, today is wholly intolerable. ended up calling TM but not being able to verbalize what I needed to when she returned my call. so tired of this crazy struggle. wish it just settled. tempted to leave her a message tonight, thank her for helping me, bow out of therapy, and then (so she doesn’t have to listen to it, but so I can get it away from me) vent the contents of the body memories… so tired of all this.

not sure what will help me more: continue the cm marathon, crying (if I could figure out how to allow myself to do it), take something to be able to sleep, call the agency hotline, or… I dunno. something to make things better.

keep trying to remind myself that the bad days come and go just like the better ones… hard to remember at the moment.

wish I could cry…

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