distractions happen

So… yeah. Didn’t talk about any of the stuff I had intended to talk about today.

She was asking questions about more background stuff, so the session was spent on that. All good info to have, and probably helpful in understanding things, but I had really hoped to at least broach the “neediness” topic. As it was, I got to throw it in as a request for next time (in hopes of keeping myself accountable, and letting her know I really wanted to talk about it). She added brainstorming about it to my homework (though at the moment I can’t remember what the original homework was. oops. I’m sure it will come back to me at some point).

I guess I’m not the only one who can get distracted in therapy.

She looked really sad at points as I was telling her stuff. Again, I’m not sure if it was the lighting or me interpreting things wrong, or she genuinely was sad, but I felt bad for telling her the stuff I told her. I don’t want to make her sad. That would suck. I just want to deal with my shit and move on. I don’t want to contribute to another person’s nightmares again… I guess with her being relatively new to the agency, I could hazard that she was not as prepared for dealing exclusively with trauma day in and day out. I will assume that the cumulative effect of the stories from her clients makes the sadness easier to touch. I also know that I have developed quite a bit of distance and detachment from the stuff I told her about today, so maybe it really is more sad than I think it would be. I still have this paranoid fear of breaking my therapists though, so maybe I need to check in with her around this. I don’t want to do the trauma work with her if it ends up helping to break her. It’s not a nice feeling knowing my monsters have branched out to haunt others as well. I’m on speaking terms with most of them. I can figure out how to quiet many of them relatively successfully. But I’ve also had more years of dealing with them…

On a completely unrelated note (but very much on my mind at the moment. apologies for the tmi to follow). I think I figured out why most woman hate bras: they buy them too tight. I recently purchased a bra in the size they measured me at. HUGE mistake. It’s SO TIGHT!!!! I thought it would be ok, though I normally go one size up from what the FOH person says. I was wrong. I can generally wear my bras all day (like 16 hours). This one I can barely manage 4 hours in. Ugh! Not great for top-heavy people… Time to put this one away and find one of the old ones I can still wear…

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