Disturbing

Recently (the past several few months), I have noticed I get confused easily.  I give the dogs supplements with their breakfast. Two of them should get 5 pills each. I find I can count to five in my hand, can understand that in sequence I reach the number five, but can’t visually distinguish that I have 5 in my hand. I will understand I counted to five, but I can’t figure out if that’s the correct number, or how I got to it. It’s quite disturbing. It happens more often than not lately. I’m also hitting more periods of being unreasonably tired, no exhausted, for no discernable reason. I can’t move or function, as if I’d taken a sedative, only without having taken anything.

The confusion with comprehending counting is compounded by a growing confusion with stringing individual word’s meanings together. Sometimes I listen to people talk, or I read something, and know I should understand what I just witnessed, only I don’t. I can get individual meanings, but I can’t string the meanings together in my head to understand what the person is trying to convey. I know the definitions of each word, but I can’t discern a meaning from them used together.

Less often, but again increasing in frequency, I cannot communicate. I stumble over words or can’t figure out the words I need to use to get my meaning across.

I started noticing this first in therapy, but it’s seeping into other areas of life. I find myself staring blankly at my mom as she talks to me. I can listen to her words, I can understand and know the word as it is spoken, but I have no idea what she means. At first I thought it was a stress reaction (because it was most pronounced during stressful therapy sessions), but I’m doubting that assessment now. Sensory information gets very confusing coming in. Occasionally it’s also confused on the way out… I think I will try to talk to a doctor about this relatively soon. I’m fine if it’s a stress reaction and I just need to work harder on relaxing, but I want to know also if it’s more than that…

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