nightmarish dreams

I tried to slow some flashbacks by napping today. While I did get sleep, it was filled with the content of the flashbacks and other nightmarish things. One in particular woke me in a panic so hard… I had looked up TM’s last name yesterday, but she had only put her last initial on the card. In my nightmare, she was the wife of DuckBoy. In the nightmare, I didn’t realize this and gave her DuckBoy’s real name. In the nightmare, she became mean and condescending… So when I woke up, I freaked out for a bit until I realized that she would have her full name on her voicemail. I quickly dialed and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard that her last name was not actually DuckBoy’s last name (from what I understand, he still lives in the area, and his wife works as a clinician somewhere in this county)… I would have run out of there if she was related to him. I had not given anyone his full name because I know he is still active in the community. I still have a lot of shame around all that went on with him…

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