What would you do?

What would you do with memories you weren’t sure are real? I experience them as real. They come like the other flashbacks, but… they suck. And why didn’t I remember them before?

It’s been over 25 years since the time they would have taken place. I know most of my childhood is a blank. I know even high school is sketchy, but I remember more than from earlier times in my life. But… shouldn’t have some inkling of this popped up before? Forget that the events would fill some holes very nearty. Forget that they would enable other things to make sense… How do I know I didn’t piece them together and weave a story subconsciously?

Yes, they feel exactly like flashbacks. They come in the same way the others do. They feel very real when they are happening. At the time of the flashbacks, I know they’re just something I forgot about, but when the flashbacks fade and the body sensations dissipate, I can’t wrap my head around it. I second guess the validity and reliability of memories that surface so late. When there are no active flashbacks, it’s easy to question them…

I guess it’s stuff to bring up with T next week. (I should find out her last name so I can distinguish her easier in my writing. Her card is in my wallet. I should look at it).

On another note, a clinician from TL’s agency called earlier today. I just checked the message… I should thank her for calling and decline, though part off me wants to wait to return the call until after meeting with T one more time. I’m inclined to stay with T because of where she works, but I’m getting more and more unsure about tackling these memories right now. I’m not sure I’m ready for the possibility of them being accurate. I wouldn’t feel so pressured about it at an agency where it’s not their main focus…

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