I had the hardest time rolling out of bed today. I’m normally up and moving by 8 or 9. This morning, I started at 7:30, but had to get back into bed after feeding the cats because I was about to fall over. I stayed in bed until almost 11. At that point I got up in a hurry because the dogs had not been attended to yet and I felt guilty. I took them out and gave them breakfast. That tired me out almost to the point of not having enough energy to make coffee. I sat for a bit between activities. Getting up to make the coffee was excruciating. I was out of breath just standing there waiting for it to brew so back to the couch I went. It took me a good 20 minutes after it was done to muster the energy to go get a cup (the couch is maybe 15 feet from the coffee maker). It took me about an hour to drink half of my first cup. Even lifting the cup to my mouth was hard.

Later, I decided to try to clean the house a bit (the little dog likes to mark his territory regardless of potty training). I managed to clean up the pee spots then needed to sit again.

I’m not quite sure what is wrong, but I spent the rest of the day in bed. I was tired, dizzy, and short of breath all day, even when laying down. The inhaler helped for a while, but it wore off in short order… then the nausea hit. I really hope I’m not getting sick, because I don’t want to miss the journal class on the first (I don’t have plans for new year’s eve, so I don’t much care if I’m functioning or not tomorrow night). I was lamenting to L that I had just managed to walk 6 miles at the beach last week but today I can’t walk from the couch to the bed.

I think as the day wore on, I associated the feeling with anxiety because my heart was pounding and flopping in my chest. I wish I still had some Ativan. I might have managed to do more today.

I’m still exhausted and don’t have the energy to stand for more than it takes to walk to the bed or the bathroom, but my heart has stopped racing and the nausea is gone. Let’s hope the dizziness, weakness, and exhaustion disappear overnight…

If I had better insurance, I might have gone to the doctor at least for some anxiety meds, but my monthly deductible is way too high. We are trying to save money, not spend it. It’s funny, the country mandates health insurance, yet it doesn’t do anything to help the people that fall between the state and federal aid guidelines. According to the state, I get too much money from disability to qualify for aid, but according to the federal government, the state should be helping me out. I can’t win.


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