Beach Distractions

I followed through on my plan to head to the beach today. It was nice. I walked almost 3 miles up to the lighthouse which I had not done in years. It was a nice walk. There were tons of shredded moon jellies washed up, a handful of man-o-war, and a mystery blue thing. Looking back at the picture of the blue thing, I should have tried to pick it up and flip it over. I’m thinking it was one of those really pretty, and quite rare blue mollusks that look like glass critters… I should have tossed him back into the water in case he could make it. I didn’t see him on the way back, so I hope someone else did it.

Trying to work on making the day my own. Will have to find another distraction for tomorrow… Maybe I’ll head back to the beach, maybe I’ll pay the alligators a visit. I’m not really sure. There will be a group hike at Everglades National Park on Jan 3rd that I may attend, but I would need to find a carpool person to go with. I’m not in the mood for all that driving by myself (almost 2 hours away, though further for most of the herp society members because they live one county north of me). Anyway, We’ll see…

Mom and I did our christmas thing tonight. We exchanged gifts and enjoyed dinner and dessert. Now I’m hanging out on the phone with L and watching the dogs. It’s nice that I could get a break from the stress of the season… now, to find some chocolate…

I was asking L earlier today if it was weird that I really wanted to talk to TL about today and my ability to follow-through on the distractions she had suggested… I guess it makes sense though, since it was something we were working on in therapy. It also makes sense in terms of the transference, because it feels very much like a little kid wanting to tell her parents that she did well in school. even the way the conversation went in my head, it sounded very little kid-ish – excited and bouncy and proud… wish I could have worked on that a bit more with her. maybe it would have lessened all this.


5 responses to “Beach Distractions

  • grace to survive

    Not sure that’s more you could do to lesson the grief of loss. I understand that loss. I had allowed myself to get closer to Raymond than anyone else that I can remember, in some ways even my husband. When he moved away I felt like I was in a black tunnel not sure how I’d make it without him. I did though.

    • Samantha Jane

      It’s such a unique relationship. It can mirror anything and everything, and often does. I think that universal nature makes the loss harder; the grief harder…

      • grace to survive

        Another element is that I had control. I paid to see him. I went when I wanted to go. That power made letting my guard down doable. That’s the beauty and the down side. When it’s over, it’s over.
        Tomorrow my husband, son and I are going to a movie then catch a bite to eat. I think I’d rather walk along the beach and look for shells.

      • Samantha Jane

        Hm, I never thought of the power differential playing a role in trust and opening up. It’s interesting you mention that. I can see how being in control of it all can make it easier to speak freely. I don’t think, as a client, I ever felt in control of the therapy. It’s wierd, because I never felt in control of it when I was the counselor (nor would I have wanted to be. Professionally, I believe the client takes it at their speed and in whichever direction they wish… strange how I don’t translate that intro my own therapy)…
        What movie are you guys going to see? I’m not even sure what’s out since I never have the money for movies. Can we trade? I’ll go to your movie, you can walk the beach 🙂

      • grace to survive

        I never thought I was in control while seeing him. I felt more often like a bug pinned to a board with his steely piercing eyes that didn’t miss a thing. It is just now years later when that thought makes sense. That it made for a safe place, safer than anywhere else. But I didn’t have all the power as therapist’s move, or retire, both of which happened, and those were two good ones.

        You ought to check out your area. We have a theater that shows movies just after showing at the main theaters that cost only a dollar.
        We are going to see the ‘Imitation Game’ about figuring out the German code of where the submarines are. it looks interesting. I’d still like to go a beach!

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