restless

I can’t pay attention to anything today. I’m not interested in anything (even Criminal Minds ::gasp!::).

My panic hit high early on in the morning. I started feeling trapped, but nothing felt like something I could do. I was frantically pacing, but only in my head (if you were to look at me though, you would have had no idea how incredibly anxious I was). I finally convinced myself to go out to the book store. I grabbed a coffee, but didn’t sit there long enough to finish it. I then tried shopping at least for necessities, but I got very bored very fast. I didn’t want to be anywhere. I rushed through the grocery store and missed picking up just about everything…

I got home, but then was bored super-fast. I didn’t want to go out, but I didn’t want to be in the house either. Needed to finish TL’s painting (well, needed to frame it properly). Ran out to grab some more stuff, but I don’t have the patience to finish it properly. I was hoping to get the piece to TL tomorrow, but it’s not looking good at this moment…

Still can’t pay attention to anything. My head is starting to hurt. I still don’t want to pay attention to anything. Haven’t been able to follow this CM episode. I’m pretty sure I’m not doing well with this blog post.

Tomorrow’s going to be a full day. I see TL in early afternoon, help my friend pack more, then head over to the journal class. I hope tomorrow’s more settled than today. I hope my anxiety isn’t as high… and I hope I can figure out what the heck to do with TL’s painting. I want to frame it properly and give it to her, but I’m not sure it will be done in time. I definitely want it out of the house. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to give it to her earlier today. I don’t know why I didn’t want to give it to her, but I suddenly thought it was very stupid. I was guessing she would hate it. I still think she will hate it, or refuse it. I’m not sure why, but I do… :/

My head is such a mess, and mom keeps asking how I’m doing. I don’t know how to tell her the extent of the mess (or anyone really). I’m not sure I want to tell anyone the extent of it. It’s hard to describe when I don’t even fully know what’s going on or how bad it is. I just know my head feels like a mixture of cement and cotton, and I’m really tired.

This episode is almost over. Think I’m calling it an early night. Earliest night in the past month…

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