lalalalalalalalala I’m not listening!

The body memories and flashbacks came back hard today. I’m pulling a 5-year-old move and symbolically plugging my ears while singing loudly. I’ve spent the day helping my friend pack. It took just about everything I had in me to not break down while helping. One of the songs he played was incredibly triggering, though I have no idea why. He changed it when I asked…

I’m trying to stay distracted. It’s kinda hard… If the music isn’t playing, then the tv is on or I am chattering away. I’m waiting for this technique to stop working (they always do).

TL called to switch the time of the appointment. I asked to keep it the same day instead of the day after. I am already having such a hard time, I didn’t want to have to wait more. I’m not sure I can tell her I’m struggling, but I at least need to try…

I’m also not sure I want to give TL the painting anymore… It’s too big and too much. I will take it with me on Thursday, but likely leave it up to her if she wants it. I dunno… feelin’ really unsure about everything, and really small. Don’t want her to be mad or anything. Don’t want to be annoying or inappropriate… dunno, so… whatever.

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