I’m not sure why I’m continuing therapy at this time. Yesterday’s session was again really triggering, but this time add on all the “shoulds” it brought up…
I know… I know I should be doing so many things differently, and I should be able to deal more effectively with all this, and I should know how to ground, and I should be better at recognizing the past vs the present and I should be able to do this on my own. I know this. But it doesn’t make anything any easier or more effective… it just reminds me again of how much I’m failing at life, how I frustrate the hell out of everyone with my lack of progress, and how I’ll never be good enough at anything for anyone.
I keep thinking I need to walk away from therapy, but at the same time the thought of not having even that illusion of support frightens me. I can’t do this alone, but I can’t do it with what I have either
I feel like trying to contain all that is triggered in therapy is like trying to contain a spill in a bucket full of cracks and holes. As soon as something gets put back, something else flows (oozes or gushes or spills or bursts) out through one of the weak spots… it’s futile.