that black hole that is depression

It feels like depression has been swallowing me lately.  I wasn’t really up to talking yesterday, and L picked up on that. I felt bad.  I had nothing to say.  I couldn’t formulate words around anything.  Everyone I spoke with yesterday noticed it.  Today is a bit better… Between last night and today, the lovely people at the Baton Rouge Crisis Intervention Center have sat on chat and the phone with me for over 3 1/2 hours.  I totally appreciate their patience as they struggled to get me to communicate.  They are one of the few centers that answer the chat and don’t rush you off right away.  They are ok speaking even when I’m just overwhelmed and needing someone to “sit with” over the chat or phone.  Most chat operators shoo me off if I am not in immediate crisis.  These people are so nice… and they are one of the few places that will also offer a follow-up call if you agree to it.  Apparently I agreed to it last night because I got a call this morning…

Anyway, yeah.  Struggling and trying to keep my head above water (figuratively).  I know something’s got to give. I’m trying to hold on to the hope others have for me, as I don’t have much of my own. Taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time.  And making agreements to stay safe, because there is no other choice. I had left a message for De about that. I hoped she would call, but I guess I didn’t specifically ask for it, or my message was unintelligible.  I have not heard back from her.  I guess she is just busy and counting on me being able to ask for a call-back if I really need one.


2 responses to “that black hole that is depression

  • gmgoetz

    Hey. I hope you are hanging in there, and your situation has improved, if only a little. Improvement is improvement, regardless of the degree. I just discovered your blog tonight and appreciated your honesty and thoughts. Looking forward to reading of your improvement in the near future. God Bless.

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