Where physical illness and mental illness intersect

The vertigo is back, and getting worse.  I ended up going to the er on Friday to try to get more help with it, but all they really did was rule out other major things like brain lesions, tumors, low or high of anything in my blood, pregnancy (I could have come up with that on my own being a broke lesbian who hasn’t had any close (or far) contact with sperm in years). They gave me a script for an over-the-counter nausea med and sent me on my way. I was also told to visit an ENT if it didn’t go away in 4 days.  The problem with that last directive comes when my er visit was on the last day of the month. An ENT visit 4 days from then will not be covered by my (lack of) insurance. So if I still have this come Tuesday, I have to find an ENT that will charge me a whole ton of money just for a visit or 2… (and I’m still not closer to getting rid of this).
It’s frustrating on another level too: I’m only used to sleeping all day when I’m either really sick with a virus, or I’m really depressed.  Right now I’m neither, but don’t have the energy to do more than about an hour of being upright before the dizziness and medication get to me. It doesn’t stop my head from racing, but it stops my body from working. I also have to rely on my wife to drive me if I want to go anywhere. She’s not a huge fan of driving.  She is also wearing thin on her own stuff… add to that some major flakiness on my part, and we have a fun weekend planned. I feel bad for not being more supportive and for asking to go out when she clearly just wants to stay in bed.
I’m having trouble writing this post, so please bear with me if it loses cohesion as I babble on. One side effect of both the vertigo and the meclazine is an inability to concentrate or finish sentences. It puts my brain in a fog (again something I’m used to with depression not physical illness), and I forget where I was going with my train of thought.

On a side note; De surprised me on Friday with actually delving into some more trauma stuff. She asked how I felt with her springing it on me. I told her I was relieved. I have been wanting to do this since we started meeting, so to finally put more effort into it is a huge relief.  The only problem that arose was my inability to convey much. I warned her about it before hand, telling her I sometimes take a while to finish what I’m saying because I’m trying to put it into the correct words. I added that the vertigo didn’t help much in that department.  But we managed to talk about stuff and I was able to give a better picture of things that went on with Duckboy. I checked out a short way into it, but we talked about that too.  She was actually able to ground me better before I left, and it was a good session.  I told her there was some stuff that came up to which I couldn’t give voice, but that I would either try to pack it away for next week or journal about it. As it were, I was able to journal about it some on the way to the er for the vertigo.  I’m glad I was able to do it then because it has since been packed away…

Anyway, I’ve totally lost my original train of thought.  Off to take another nap in hopes of sleeping off the dizziness. Have a good Sunday.

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