Not quite sure what to write, but I feel like I have not posted anything meaningful in my own words lately… Things are… um, I’m not sure. Had some ups, but mostly downs or leveling out.
We were talking about something else in session this week, and De described this house as “screaming” every day, all day. She used it in reference to the memories and triggers that are a daily reminder here. She also meant it literally (no amount of saging the house seems to be able to lift the anger that exists here). I have always pictured these two houses (I grew up just down the street, this house belonged to my aunt and uncle before they passed) with huge, heavy iron bars on the windows; not to keep anyone out, but that keeps me (us) trapped here. It also traps all the negative energy. The house screams silently itself while those inside scream for real. It’s angry and sad and tortured. The dogs can feel this very palpable presence. They all jump and start and fright at the slightest trigger. The cats seem miserable (4 have moved out and refused to return over the years, 2 live most of their time outside). In all the years of having been away, I somehow forgot how much of a black hole this house is… I feel trapped again. L feels trapped again. We need to change that somehow, but we are not sure how.
I’m still trying to work on that piece for De. April is coming up fast. I’m on “take 3” and I think I may finally like this one. I got the girl to a point where I’m happy with the way she turned out. I’m also liking the way I managed to paint the adult. I just have to finish the adult’s arms, and the pieces she is picking up. I was going to do a background, but I am not sure I will push my luck with this one.