2 days into the break and I’m wishing De wasn’t going to be gone for so long. I’ll get through it, but it just feels so long. My lack of proper sleep is starting to get to me. I wake too long before sunrise despite being really tired. There’s too much time to think I’m not actually thinking about much at all. The only good thing about L working overnights is that i can make noise and turn on the light when i wake up without feeling guilty. I started Pandora at about 5 am without worries of bothering her or waking her up… i think i need to start taking benadryl for sleep again. I definitely don’t need to add lack of sleep to the stressors right now (holidays, monthly hormones, various body triggers, the holidays…).
I was catching up on a blog, and i related so well to the way she was describing things, but i don’t remember what she said and how she said it all of a sudden. There was something about attachment and a weakening of defenses… i dunno, but she said it so well. Whatever. It will come back to me eventually.
On another note, i apologize for the lack of quality lately (make it this past year). I’ve fallen out of my more professional mindset and it totally shows: the writing is crap and there’s little of actual value to anyone else in my posts. Sorry. I will try to get a bit better about it. I think my problem is my lack of direction. I’m not thinking critically anymore, just lost in the experience. I’m not sure how to be able to find a happy median between being too detached and being too involved. It’s an art form I have yet to master.
I’m trying to think of something artistic to do to keep me occupied, but my art table had been commandeered as the dinner table for the last 2 days (ok, i admit, that’s what a dining table is supposed to be used for, but i had repurposed it and now I miss it). There’s just something not conducive to the creative process when you have to find another suitable surface to work on… but i digress. I’ve done nothing creative the last few days. I did work a bit more on my art profile elsewhere, but that wasn’t creating anything new. I wish I had a space dedicated to being an art room with appropriate storage and work surfaces… one day. In the mean time, i have to make do with being creative about my creative spaces…
Sorry. I think i need to stop writing. My lack of meaningful sleep is glaringly apparent. Maybe I can sleep a bit more before starting the day. Wish me luck! (L comes home soon, and I’m sure she will want to sleep too). Catch you on the flip side of a nap!