art therapy session 2

Well, that didn’t go quite as planned (namely I didn’t really finish the piece I was working on). I did end up showing De the art notebook I had brought to show her the last 3 sessions. She likened it to a journal, and I guess that’s a good way to describe it.

I kinda wish she had asked more about some of the pages, but she didn’t really talk about them beyond asking how recent a few of them were. She also said that she liked it. She doesn’t like to give homework or make things tedious, so she said she wouldn’t say I had to do more in there, but she would like me to continue it. There was one page that caught her attention, but then she figured out if was from February, so she didn’t really ask more about it. I wish she had. It feels very relevant again. I may take it back again on Tuesday.

It was weird. She had complimented me on the contents of the book and on a drawing I had showed her. When I did my usual “thanks, but…” she called me out on it immediately. I don’t remember talking about it before with her, but the way she said it made it sound like we had… Maybe I should ask her about that next time…

I told her a bit about not really being able to even vaguely represent some of the issues I want to put down in the work with anyone else in the room… she suggested going even more metaphorical and symbolic instead of concrete representations. I told her my frustrations with not being able to figure anything out to convey that.

I also told her how the concept of self-injury and my scars has been really embarrassing lately, so much so that I have made an appointment to get a half-sleeve tattoo started on my right arm with the main intent to be covering the scars there.  I’m not sure why I am so self-conscious of it (even with her or J, or even L!).  The panic around hiding the evidence is huge though.  I haven’t SI’d in a while, and I had come to terms with my scars quite a long time ago… Not quite understanding where this sudden insecurity about it comes from. We didn’t get to talk too much about that before time was up. I’m hoping I will be able to figure it out a bit better on Tuesday.

I told her my dad was coming again tomorrow. We planned additional sessions, and she reiterated the concept of having the days planned out so I can escape as needed. I’m not sure what I should be more worried about this time around: M, G, myself, or L… And with the added puppy in the house, things may get crazy…

Oh, I was also able to tell her that I can talk much easier while slightly distracted: either drawing, coloring, painting… It’s easier not having the pressure of all the attention.

At the end of the session, I asked her what to do with the painting. It’s not exactly finished, but I wanted to shred it. She laughed and asked that we at least hang on to it till we can talk about it some. I’m not sure why I wanted to destroy it so fast… Towards the end of the session (before she even mentioned cleaning up) I had wanted to scribble it all out…

Oh, she was also introduced to SJ in concept. I’m sure we will be talking about that at some point too…


One response to “art therapy session 2

  • nikkisth0ughts

    i think its very intriguing you are doing art therapy. seems like you are really trying keep it up! i also used to self injure. it can be such a dark lonely time in ones life. it was for me. but the struggles continue, its part of the healing process. i just learned to love my scars, they’re part of my life’s story. i totally understand how you feel.
    good luck on your road to healing =)

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