I followed up with K this week about the whole concept of changing one’s inner landscape, and how it helps…
I have to admit, I wasn’t paying too much attention, because I launched back into my own inner landscape pretty fast. Please bare with me as I likely have this stuff a bit wrong.
The gist of what she said was that visualizing our inner landscapes and being able to change it/cultivate a positive landscape helps a person identify less adamantly with the negative landscape. It was something along the lines of also helping identify what else you need in your life to get you to where you want to be in life. She spoke about adding items or taking them away, and what that metaphorical change would represent in real life.
With my particular landscape (blogged about here), she challenged me to look at the tree that I saw a dead and charred, and see the beauty and growth in it. She said she saw movement and potential there. I still don’t see what she sees, but whatever. She then asked me what I would change in the landscape – what would I add or make different. My answer was to change all of it; to wipe it out and start again in a beach scene by the water with palm trees gently swaying in the breeze, and coconuts dropping from the trees. It would have my animals around, and my wife there under one of the trees (and because I often take uncomfortable situations and break the tension with humor, I said that occasionally a coconut would fall on L’s head and she would have a Newton-esque moment of realization as she is falling asleep in the peace of the scene).
We did not get into what the implications are of changing the entire scene, but I’m suddenly again reminded of the quote from How To Train Your Dragon where Hiccup is told of people’s displeasure with “all of this” and they gesture to the whole of him, implying that he needs a core change. I think I need a change like that. I need to start fresh and wipe out all that is here now, and build something totally new. I’m not quite sure how to do that, or if it’s even possible, but I feel that dissatisfied with myself. I know my experiences make me the person I am today, but I would prefer to be less socially awkward and strange. I would like to be more balanced and in touch with all that is good, not all that is bad… That would involve a complete re-scaping of myself, and a re-working of all the connections in my brain that make things go so awry. I wish I had that opportunity right now, while I have the energy and drive to do it. I know in the movie they showed that he had his own talents to bring to the table, but I feel like I just need a total re-programming because mine is so full of glitches and errors in coding.