Gossip in Red (tiggering)

Shh… Pull up a chair and get comfortable.

Did you eat recently?

You might not want to stay for the tale then.

It’s quite the “edge of your seat” ear candy…

There’s something I need to tell you.
It’s quite messed-up and
somewhat
…unsavory.

It brings release.
But more than that,
It’s a high.
I start, and suddenly
I
Want
More
NOW.

One drop, and I’m hooked
The more, the better.
The darker, the redder
The higher the risk
The better it feels.

Why not skydiving?
Well, there’s no red involved.

It’s like a drug.
The faster it flows
The better it feels
The more I want it

It did not start out that way.

It started to…

Well, it started to bring me…

I wanted to finally…

How can I say this without saying it?

Release.
Relief.
Sensation…
Reality.

When your body betrays you
And you head is full of memories
And your body is full of sensations
You just need to settle them to bed.

It started as a release.
Then the reinforcer came,
And it took over.
There was nothing left to bleed out,
but the blood was what drove me.

I didn’t want to stop
but there was almost nothing left.
My body betrayed me yet again.
(This time the severed vein cinched up
to keep me alive long enough to get to safety)

I didn’t want to stop
I didn’t want to go
but…

Sometimes you do things for others
because you care about them
more than you will
EVER
care about yourself

and because I trusted her
and because she was scared
and because…

I became scared

Cuts like that don’t just
stop
and heal on their own
and that was not
in the plans (with this anyway
– there are pills for that)

So off to the Doctor who
Sends you to the ER
Where they wonder how
You are still upright
Because you left about half
Your volume in her office…

Oops.

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