Daily Archives: December 15, 2012

Knee-jerk reactions infuriate me…

I know that sounds quite the double-standard, but I need to vent.

Please keep our public schools religion-free.  If you want your religion to be the cornerstone of your education,  go to a religious school that fits with your beliefs and enroll your children there.  Do not force my child to fit into your niche. Do not tell me your god needs to be brought back into every school.  Not everyone believes in your god.  Forcing them to learn about it and preach it every day will not make anything better.  It will make those who believe feel stronger in their beliefs,  yes,  but it will alienate and cause conflict with those that do not.  Instead of bringing your god back into classrooms,  lets bring tolerance,  peace,  and love back.  Lets teach our kids that bullying for any reason is not ok. Lets teach them to work together instead of one-upping eachother… that is what I want thought to my children in schools, not that one god is better than the next.


That doubt no one ever talks about…

Disclaimer: this may be triggering. Use caution when reading. I only write this in hopes that it may help someone.
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No one ever talks about the doubt that bursts onto the scene in the moment between making the decision to actively take your life, and the moment you actually try it.  That moment when FEAR creeps in, but you made the commitment (to yourself) to go through with it. So you hunker down and hug your teddy bear tight as the music plays through your headphones… you fight the fear as you’re shaking in your boots. This is not really what you want all of a sudden… but it’s too late, even if only in your head…

Then you wake up the next evening as if nothing ever happened. You have momentarily forgotten the hell that is your life, and you smile and laugh with concerned friends and family, oblivious to what you just narrowly missed. You get confused about why you can’t move your arms and legs too far (they are strapped to the bed). As the hours of consciousness wear on, the memories slowly seep through the mud. You remember what you tried, and you get angry that it didn’t work. The pain returns. Only this time, there is no escape. You are trapped, physically. There is no release… you forget that moment of fear and doubt until years later… you just know you failed yet again.